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279,513 notes

girly-fanatic:

reichenbackdatassup:

wow my brother was telling me this joke and he said

"if you’re fighting with a woman and she pulls a knife on you, just pull out the bread and cheese and meat and her womanly instincts will kick in and she’ll just make you a sandwich"

then all of a sudden our mom emerges from the kitchen holding a huge ass knife and she approaches my brother asking “sorry what was that?” and he started screaming

100000000 points to mom.

(Source: spockdarlin, via profoundboner)

399,906 notes

leftyrosenthal:

e-gay:

the whispered “oh my god”… the look of of humiliation on the childs face… the brother is tired

lmfao I am both of them at the same time

(Source: vinegod, via cielo-kun)